Amnesia
by GoldenEyesMidnightTears
Summary: Yuki continues his struggle to save Shuichi from memory loss, can he do it or will Shuichi remain in a childs state of mind? Rated M for later chapters. You have been warned.
1. Fire

**Author note:**I honestly do not know how this fic will turn out but it was this sudden inspiration I had and I just couldn't shake it. I'm going to continue to write this and see where it goes.

Please review. I am not writing just for the sake of reviews but there is no point in continuing a story that isn't liked so please for the sake of the story **hit that review button.**

I also understand that the first chapter is short but that is because it is an opening to the story and is supposed to be short.

**Chapter 1: **Fire

The tall elegant figure leaned casually against the window, his blonde hair being tossed lightly by the spring breeze drifting through the open window. A cigarette hung loosely fom his sensual lips. His eyes took that of a distant look, his vision clouded with hurt. Never, had he felt so alone. And never had he felt so useless and guilty. He was never the type to cry, yet tears caressed the slopes of his cheeks anyways and he made no attempt to wipe them away or even acknowledge the fact that they were there. Soon he would be returning home to his beloved Shu. But he wasn't the same Shuichi Shundou Yuki first met and it was all thanks to Taki Aizawa of the band Ask. The thought that Shuichi may never be the same again nagged a part of his mind every day causing Yuki to have writers block and even less sleep than usual. The younger boy was pretty much always living in constant fear, since the night Yuki had tracked him down and found him lying unconscious in a dark alley way beaten and battered. But what bothered Yuki the most was that Shuichi suffered from memory loss quite frequently. Shuichi had even forgotten the lyrics to his own music. It had been exactly a month since that night and even though Shuichi was slowly recovering, Yuki couldn't force back the fear that he may have lost Shuichi for good.

Yuki reached up to take what was now just a cigarette butt from his mouth. He ignored the curious looks he was getting from the people in the diner. He had come to eat but had suddenly got lost in thought and lost his appetite completely. A wave of nausea crashed through his stomach, making his face bead with sweat. The stress he had put himself under from worrying all the time did funny things like that. Shuichi would have normally noticed Yukis weight loss but how could he possibly notice something like that now? Shuichi was too absorbed in a fight against himself, that he was obviously losing. Yuki had committed himself to getting Shuichi back and even though doubt tugged at the back of his mind, he wasn't going to give up without a fight. He tossed the cigarette butt out the window and turned swiftly to leave. It was best not to leave Shuichi alone too long in case he tried to off himself. Yuki had walked in on Shuichi trying to cut his wrist open just the other night but Shuichi had refused to go the the diner with him today, and instead of losing his patience and freaking out on the poor boy, he decided he just needed a break.

A horribe feeling pitted itself in Yukis stomache as he drove his black mercedes down the free way. Something felt horribly wrong but Yuki couldn't place his finger on it. The rush of fire trucks going by confirmed his suspicions and since the dreadful feeling that something was wrong at the apartment lingered with him, he harshly thrust the steering wheel in the direction of the fire trucks.

_Please don't turn right. Please don't turn right. Somebody send me a hopeful sign that these fire rucks are not going to my apartment._

Yukis inner pleading proved useless as the fire 2 fire trucks led him right to where he knew they would lead him...his apartment.

Yukis Mercedes squeeled to a jolting halt and Yuki had barely turned off the ignition before he was jumping out of his car. Yuki realized immediately that not only were there 2 fire trucks but there was also an ambulance.

_Oh god Shuichi, please be ok._

Yuki broke into a brisk run toward the ambulance. Relief washed over him as he saw that Shuichi was sat in the back of the amulance with a blanket wrapped around him and strawberry pockly was dangling from his mouth.

Even though the situation at hand was pretty bad Yuki couldn't help but smirk at the fact that Shuichi still loved his strawberry pocky. Yuki finally reached Shuichi. He pulled the boys head toward him and rested it on his chest.

"What in the world happened Shuichi? Are you ok?

The boy didn't respond. He just continued to suck on the strawberry pocky. Yuki pulled him away. He looked like a confused child.

_He probably doesn't even remember what happened._

Yuki took this moment to gaze toward his apartment where firefighters were rushing about frantically. It didn't look too serious. There wasn't even any smoke.

"I think your friend will be ok. I think he's just a little frightened is all," said the nurse emerging from the inside of the ambulance.

Yuki turned toward her.

"Thank you for all that you have done."

"It's my job sir," she said kindly with a gentle smile.

Yuki noticed one of the firemen approaching.

"Are you the resident of this apartment?" He asked.

"Uh..yeah."

"It looks like your friend here, jammed a butter knife into the toaster while it was on. The kitchen did set fire however, the damage is minimal. I'm just glad your both alright."

The fireman did seem genuinely sincere. Yuki turned his attention toward Shuichi with one thought on his mind.

If Shuichi was apparently getting better, why would he do something so stupid and why did it seem like he was a child now more than ever? Was anything ever going to be the same again?

The childish boy seemed to be staring at him now. Did he do this on purpous?


	2. Silence

**Author note:** Ok so this chapter is short to but I think that I can really make this story a good one. So why don't I just go ahead and thank my first reviewer.

Minibloodymurder: you seem to be quite the dedicated fan. Thank you for being my first reviewer and yes sticking a butter knife in a toaster oven can cause sparks which in turn can cause fire.

For all my future reviewers I just want you to know that you can review just to say that my story sux if you want although I wont take it lying down so ha! On with chapter 2.

**Chapter 2**: Silence

"Gee,"said Yuki rubbing the back of his head as he stood in the middle of the kitchen inspecting the damage the fire had dealt to his cupboards and half of the floor. It was a damned good thing the neighbour phoned 911 the moment she smelled smoke. Yuki made a mental note to thank her later or else the damages would have been much worse.

Yuki let out a long sigh and averted his attention to the bundle of joy that was clinging to his side. The younger boy just continued to stare curously up at Yuki. The expression on the boys face sent another pang of guilt through Yuki. Yuki bit his bottom lip and brought his hand up to cover his eyes. He felt Shuichi tug on his shirt so he removed his hand just to lock eyes with him. Yuki senses that Shuichi was crying out for help from within but what could he do? What could he do to speed up Shuichis recovery. Would he ever recover to begin with? Yukis mind continued to drown in its own self doubts.

"Shuichi, why did you lodge a butter knife in the toaster? It's not like your stupid or anything. You aren't going to tell me you forgot how to use a toaster are you?"

Shuichis curious expression turned to that of a diappointed child.

Yuki suddenly felt guilty.

"I'm sorry," said Yuki. "Just forget that I said that."

Shuichi turned his head toward the charcoal black cupboards with worry in his eyes.

"Don't worry about it Shu."

Suddenly something occured to Yuki. Shuichi hadn't said even one word since Yuki got back.

"Shuichi, why aren't you saying anything?"

Shuichi looked at him with confusion.

Yuki grabbed his shoulders and kneeled down so that he was at eye level with him.

Shuichi tried to look away but Yuki took his face in his hands and turned his face toward his.

"What's the matter Shu?"

Shuichi averted his gaze toward the floor.

Yukis face suddenly tightened in frusteration. He squeezed his eyes shut and began to feel his body tremble.

_It seems like this incident has made him worse. He wont even talk now._

A sudden whimper from Shuichi told Yuki that he had been squeezing Shuichis face in his clenched hands.

"Uh! I'm sorry Shu! He said suddenly letting go of him.

_I wonder how he would react if I..._

Yuki pressed his lips against Shuichis. Normally, Shuichi would return the kiss no problem but something in him had changed. It was like his age had reverted to that of a 2 year old. Yuki pulled back to see that Shuichi looked extremely frightened.

Shuichis lips began to tremble then he suddenly turned and ran down the hall and into the bedroom, where he neglected to close the door.

"Ah shit!"

Yuki crossed the room to the television and called the hospital.

"I think something in Shuichi has cracked. He is acting like a 2 year child...literally. He wont speak and he totally freaked out when I planted one on him."

There was a pause.

"Ok Mr. Yuki. You can bring him in whenever your ready and we'll run some tests."

"Thanks," he said before hanging up.

It didn't take much convincing at all to get Shuichi to the hospital. All he really had to do was dangle a stick of strawberry pocky in his face. Children were so easy to manipulate and that was exactly what Shuichi was right now... a child. Yuki couldn't figure out how Shuichi had suddenly reverted back to such an immature state of mind in such a short time. Yuki had only been gone for 45 minutes and still the itiot managed to set the kitchen on fire and attain a childs 2 year old brain.

"How odd," said the female nurse who inspected him. "But not completely unheard of. I gurantee by tomorrow morning Shuichi will be the same as he was before you left him at the apartment. There is a chance that he may not speak but he wont be like a child anymore. He may have his moments but other than that... it just looks like he is in shock."

"Really?" Asked Yuki kind of harshly.

"Don't worry Mr. Yuki. His brain development is definately showing improvement. Shuichi may be Shuichi again in no time."

Yuki still had his doubts as he tucked in the fidgeting boy into bed that night. He really was being stubborn. Everytime he tucked the boy in, he threw the cover off with an amused smile on his face.

_At least he's smiling._

"Come on Shu. It's bed time." Yuki pulled the covers up under Shuichis chin and knew he was going to throw them off again because he still had that amused smil playing on his ever so kissable lips. Yuki suddenly felt that same hurt stabbing at him like a constant knife plunging into his heart. How long would he have to wait before he could make love to the boy again.

He missed the sweet extacy created by the friction of their bodies and the clashing of their tongues at the peak of their blissful excitement. That sudden fear of the thought of losing the old Shuichi for good played games with his mind again.

_No. You have to stop thinking like that. He'll be back. He just needs more time._

And sure enough the playful little boy wriggled with silent laughter as he threw the covers off again.

Yuki smirked and ruffled the boys hair playfully.

"If you weren't so fucked up right now, I'd probably be getting annoyed and calling you a damn brat, eh Shuichi?" Shuichi looked at him as if he had no idea what he was talking about.

Yuki chuckled slightly and crawled into bed next to the boy, careful not to make any sudden movements that would freak him out again.

"By the way Shu, your best friend is gonna come visit you tomorrow. How does that sound?" Unsurprisingly the boy didn't respond.

_I know you fear me giving up on you but that isn't going to happen Shuichi._

Yuki rolled in the opposite direction and smirked when he felt the blankets being pulled up. Yuki was a little surprised when he felt the boys arm wrap around him and his hand came to rest on his abdomen. Yuki smiled and fell into a dark abyss as he felt anticipation for what the next morning would bring.

Even though Yuki had fallen asleep in a relatively good mood (which wasn't common for Yuki) he still found himslef trapped within the nightmare of what happened a month ago. He remembered getting the urgent phone call from Shuichi and hearing his breath panting painfully over the phone. The boy was in so much pain he was unable to talk except for one word which was Sushi.

Yuki had then went to every sushi shop in town until he came to one where the people said they heard strange noises coming from the alley.

Yuki had prayed that he wouldn't find his Shu there but sure enough...

Yuki stopped his eyes wide with shock. The boy was unrecognizable. He had been beaten almost to death. His face was swollen and bruised and his eyes were charcoal black. His hair was knotted, matted, and blood stained. His usually milky skin had taken a greenish blue tint and he was sprawled out on top of old soggy sushi boxes.

Yuki awoke with a start the next morning. He was completely sitting up in bed with his hand over one of his eyes, while the other one was wide with fear. It was morning. Yuki removed his hand and waited for his heart beat to slow and his deep breaths to calm.

_Will I get to here Shuichis beautiful voice today?_


	3. Paint

**Author note:** I honestly had a lot of fun writing this chapter. For some reason I really like it. I like adding childish energy to a boy who already has boyish charm. I just love the cuteness of it all.

Note that I want to know what you think of it though so please, review!

Chapter 3: Paint

A sudden feeling of fear washed over him as the Shuichis side of the bed lay dormant. It always scared him that Shuichi would suddenly snap back to reality like he did that one time and try to kill himself again. Yuki feared he would be too late to stop it if that did happen. Yuki threw off the coverd hurriedly. Yuki had never felt such responsibility with the exception of his novels. Being with Shuichi now was like constantly babysitting.

_No wonder I couldn't just settle down with a woman._

Yuki moved quickly down the hall and stopped in the living room coming face to face with a horrendous sight. Shuichi was crouched at the wall behind the couch faced away from him. A bright blood red was smeared across the walls. Yukis heart seemed to stop in his chest as his eyes widened to their full extent. Yukis long, slender fingers rose to his mouth as he tried to stifle a yell. The sight had caught him so off guard that when Shuichi turned his innocent eyes on him the only sound he could make was a high pitched squeek.

_Where the hell did that come from? Did I just...really do that?_

Shuichis face lit up with a huge smile that crossed ear to ear.

"Yuki, do you want to paint with me?"

Shuichi lifted his hands to show Yuki his paint covered fingers. A sudden wave of relief settled over Yuki and he smiled just as the door bell rang.

_Thank god. He's talking again._

"One second Shuichi, let me get the door."

Shuichi shrugged and turned back to the wall to continue his painting.

Yuki crossed to the door and opened it to see Hiro standing there with his hand rested at his hip and pieces of paper held firmly in his other hand.

"Hey man. How's Shuichi?"

Yuki raised his eyebrow at Hiro and stepped aside.

"Look for yourself."

Hiro peered around him and his mouth dropped. "Shuichi? What the hell?"

Shuichi completely ignored him and continued to smear red paint across the wall. Hiro looked to Yuki expecting some type of angry reaction but the man was concentrated on the art Shuichi was producing on the wall. Surprisingly Yuki looked youthful, carefree, and particularly happy.

"Yo. You gonna let me in or what?"

"Oh, excuse me," said Yuki stepping away from the door, granting Hiro entrance. Yuki eyed the sheets of paper in Hiros hand as he walked toward the couch. Hiro stopped at the front of the couch and peered over the back of it to see that Shuichi was dunking his hand into the can of paint to yet again, smear it across the wall. Shuichis face lit up even more everytime he added more colour to the once blank wall.

"Well at least he's being thorough about it," Hiro said glancing at Yuki who was absorbed into what Shuichi was doing.

"To be honest, when I first came out here, this...this seriously scared the shit outta me."

"I can see why," said Hiro cringing at the thought of Yukis first impression.

"Hey Shuichi," said Hiro in an unusually gentle tone.

Shuichi stopped smearing his hands across the wall and froze up. He didn't turn to face the man who was talking to him.

"It's Hiro," he prodded.

"Hi...ro," said Shuichi sounding like a child trying to pronounce his first word.

"Shuichi, will you join me on the couch?" Hiro asked skeptically.

To his surprise Shuichi jumped up and bounced around the couch and landed full force onto the cushions of the couch, leaving a trail of read on the arm of the couch and across the floor. Hiro looked at Yuki anticipating angry yelling but Yuki just looked surprised at Shuichis sudden bubbliness and lit a cigarette. Yuki blew the smoke across the room, curious as to what was about to happed. He figured that it probably had something to do with the papers in Hiros hand.

"Hi..ro?" Shuichi asked as Hiro sat down next to him.

"Yeah, that's it. Do you remember me?"

Shuichi looked thoughtful for a moment and then nodded slowly earning a boyish smile from the man sitting beside him.

"Do you want to look at these with me?" Hiro asked.

Yuki took a deep breath as he watched in anticipation. He hadn't realized that he had been tapping nervously at the end of his cigarette.

Shuichi looked down at the papers that Hiro held out to him. Shuichi earned surprised responses from both men as he began to sing at what Yuki assumed were lyrics on the paper.

"Shuichi, you can read that?" Hiro asked in surprise.

Shuichi looked up at him and nodded. He suddenly jumped up and went to the back of the couch. He bent over and stuck his paint dried hand into the red substance and flinged the red messiness at the wall. He giggled chilishly at the splatter that formed on the wall in front of him, the other two men just staring at him wide eyed.

Bad Luck had been concerned that Shuichi would lose his singing ability because of his condition but surprisingly Shuichi had not lost his beautiful voice or the ability to recognize song lyrics when he saw them.

"Shuichi? Do you feel like singing these lyrics in front of a whole bunch of people?" Hiro asked.

"Sing?" Shuichi asked innocently.

"Yeah, sing."

Shuichi nodded his head vigorously, earning a relieved sigh from Hiro.

"Amazing," said Yuki almost in a whisper. Even after everything he still has the ability to sing for his band. Such devotion."

A few hours later Shuichi was standing next to Yuki at Zepp Tokyo. This is the place where Bad Luck would be perfroming in front of millions of fans. Courtesy of K, the bands manager. Hiro was up on stage having a conversation with Suguru, tha bands very talented key boardist and the boy who was trying to surpass the talents of his cousin Tohma Seguchi. Tohma Seguchi ran NG Studios and signed the bands with potential talent. He was also the key boardist for the band Nittle Grasper who had broken up a few years ago. This is the band that sparked Shuichis music career as a brilliant artist.

"Are you sure, he's going to be able to sing Hiro? He doesn't even look like he has a clue what's going on."

Hiro glanced across the crowded room to where Shuichi was standing in the back with Yuki, staring around with wide eyed wonder.

"He'll be fine. People may notice the difference in him but it probably wont occur to them that he suffers memory loss, as long as he doesn't turn around and do something stupid."

"I was afraid you would say that," said Suguru doubtfully.

"Don't worry about a thing!" K said suddenly clapping a hand to Sugurus shoulder.

"Just remember that Shuichi has always had some childish energy about him, the audience will probably think it's just an act."

"Exactly," said Hiro, fully agreeing with him.

Tohma had done everything in his power to make sure that no one found out that Shuichi suffered with Amnesia. If something like that got out, there would be many increasing problems for the band such as being followed around by reporters wanting answers.

Moments later, Hiro made his way through the already huge crowd of Bad Luck fans.

"Hey, are you ready Shuichi?" Hiro asked when he finally got to him.

The boy was still looking around with wonder. He looked like a boy at Christmas time. Shuichi slowly nodded as he allowed his eyes to follow the brilliant bright lights that filled the giant room. Hiro took Shuichis hand and began guiding him through the crowd toward the stage.

_I really hope this turns out ok._

Hiro assisted Shuichi onto the stage and guided him to the mirophone, already set up for him.

"Do you know what this is?" Hiro asked.

Shuichi put his finger to his lips and closed an eye thoughtfully, while his other eye was glued on the mic. Shuichi lit up suddenly making Hiro think he knew that it was a mic but Shuichi suddenly shrugged. Shuichi turned to the edge of the stage and searched the crowd for Yukis face. Shuichi caught Yukis eye and started waving viorously to the handsome man.

"Shuichi, you have to pay attention," said Hiro in an accidental tone of irritation.

This caused the boy to rear back like he had been smcked.

"Oh, I'm sorry Shuichi. I didn't mean it."

Shuichi just smiled in reply and focused his attention back on the mic.

"Do you remember these?" Hiro asked holding out the lyrics to him again.

"Sing." Shuichi replied innocently.

Hiro chuckled. "That's right and that thing right there..." He pointed at the microphone. "Is what you sing into."

Shuichis eyes widened and his face lit up with pure bliss.

"Mine?" Shuichi asked pointing at the mic.

Hiro was hardly able to hold back his laughter at Shuichi. He really was like a child but somehow his devotion to singing was stronger than his memory loss.

_Lets hope it stays that way._

"Do you think you can remember these?" Hiro asked pointing at the lyrics.

Shuichi took the papers from his hands and rifled through them with clean hands, although a little red stained from the paint. Hiro watched as Shuichi mouthed the words and he watched as that same gleam appeared in his eyes. The same gleam that appeared before every performance. It was the gleam that Ryuichi had claimed was his sparkle.

_Your going to make Ryuichi proud someday Shu.. you really are._

Shuichi suddenly nodded.

"I'll remember," he said handing the papers back to Hiro.

"Sing!" Shuichi shouted excitedly.

His strong voice had carried across the crowded room even without the mic and everyone cheered happily at his exuberance and in anticipation of his beautiful voice.


	4. A Tearful Performance

**Author note: **I had a lot of fun with this chapter,(still not as much fun as the paint one). That was probably because that one was just more cute and easy to do. This chapter was a little difficult.

I really want to know everyones opinions on this one so review..ok!

Now I'm going to take the time to give credit to all my reviewers...just remember that it is your support that keeps the story alive.

**Animeluver1998:** Thanks, I try my hardest at character description. Well I hope your brother doesn't paint on the wall!

**Yogonem:** Yes he really is cute but prepare yourself for angsty moments as well.

**Minibloodymurder**: Good luck with the plot.

**Dark Metal Angel:** I'm glad you like, keep reading and of course reviewing.

Thank you very much everyone, I look forward to hearing from you all again! Now on with chapter 4, A tearful Performance.

**Chapter 4:** A tearful performance

Shuichi found himself standing at the mic in front of millions of screaming people. The hand that was holding the mic, shook in anticipation. He was ready to sing. Shuichi caught Yukis loving smile from across the crowded room, making a smile tug on the corners of his lips as he waved with his free hand vigorously, earning him a few chuckles from the crowd.

"Aw! He's so cute!" Squeeled someone from the audience. "Eiri Yuki is one lucky guy, but same holds true for Shuichi Shindou! They are the perfect match...no one else could possibly compare!"

The relationship between Yuki and Shuichi had seemed to make everyone forget about the relationship between Ryuichi Sakuma and K, who was his former manager and was now the aspiring manager for Bad Luck.

Shuichi smiled again and giggled excitedly through the microphone, earning him a roar of laughter from the crowd. This would truly become and interesting performance. Shuichis innocent nature kept his band mates in high spirits. All at once the stage lit up with bright lights, and the audience broke out into louder roars of excitement. Shuichi looked back at Hiro who gave him a thumbs up. A little confused as to its meaning, Shuichi stuck his own thumb up and inspected it for some hidden meaning but he soon became bored of it and returned his attention to the abandoned mic in front of him.

"Sparkle Shuichi! Reach out to the world!" Came a voice from the edge of the stage. Shuichi looked down to see a man, whose face he remembered, but other than that, the man holding the pink bunny became a clouded memory, causing Shuichi to become frustrated with himself.

His frustrated features realaxed into a smile as Ryuichi waved at him, using the pink bunnys arm. Shuichi smiled and held out his hand for the bunny. Ryuichi looked down at his Mr. Bear, thoughtful for a moment and then shot a quick smile at Shuichi and held the bunny up to him. Shuichi crossed to the edge of the stage and reached down for the bunny. A carefree laugh escaped his lips and caused a wave of laughter to erupt within the audience. Shuichi planted a kiss on the bunnys head and handed it back to Ryuichi who beamed happily at Shuichi.

Shuichi returned to his mic. "Sing!" He shouted through it. Hiro took this as his cue to strike out a loud vibrating note from his guitar, that surged through the audience that erupted in cheers. The keyboard added to the electric sound and then Shuichis strong voice broke through the microphone.

"Nigiyaka Na, Hitogomi ni."

"Tokeru, Tsubuyaki ga."

"Ashimotto Ni, Chirabatta, Omoide Nijimaseru."

"Mayoi, Aruku, Machi no, kagayaki wa."

Shuichis blissful radiance lit up the entire room of cheering fans. yuki stood in the back with his eyes closed, drawing in the sound of Shuichis lovely voice. Ever since the incident, Shuichis voice had become small when the boy talked to him but never had he lost his light. The boy would pull thorugh, he just knew it.

All at once the singing stopped, the crowd continuing to cheer anyway. It wouldn't be the first time that Shuichi would stop singing during a performance, and his fans knew all to well, that it ended up leading to something more entertainment. Yukis eyes shot open in surprise.

_What is the little brat gonna do?_

Yukis eyes narrowed angrily when he looked up to see the boy with tears streaking down his face. Hiro continued a guitar solo to cover for the lack of performance on Shuichis behalf. He shot a 'what the heck is going on look." At Yuki. Yuki used his hands as a gesture to Hiro to let him know that the boy was crying. Tohma took immediate action to get the boy off the stage. The lights went out and the cheering of the crowd died down to murmurs of confusion. They listened as the guitar solo stopped and the keyboard stopped as well. Afer a five minute wait the lights flashed on again, illuminating a new figure on the stage. Hiro and Suguru backed him up as the man began to sing. The crowd soon forgot their confusions about where the pink haired cutie went and became entranced by the deep voice coming from the man on stage.

Yuki was now back stage holding the boy in his laps. The boy had stopped crying but he had become silent again, fiddling with Yukis shoe lace.

"Shu, why were you crying?"

The boy didn't amswer him, instead he shifted his attention to Yukis other shoe lace. Yuki sighed and tossed a hand through his hair.

"I'm...sorry," said the boy suddenly.

This caused the older man to be struck with surprise.

That wasn't the voice of the innocent boy sitting in his laps. That was Shuichis voice. That was the unforgettable voice of Shuichi Shindou before he began losing his memories. Forgetting that the boy was easy to scare, Yuki gripped his shoulders and turned him around abruptly to lock eyes with him.

"Shuichi?"

A small forced smile formed itself on the boys face, then he wrapped his arms around the mans neck, holding him tightly to himself, as if the man would disappear if he let go. Yuki rubbed the boys back, unsure of what to say.

"Sing?" The boy asked.

Yuki gently pulled the boy back to look him in the eye. Disappointment settled over him, in realization that he had probably been hearing Shuichis voice, because that was what he wanted to hear.

_Minds like to play sick jokes on people. Shit._

"No Shu, no more singing today. What do you say we go home now?"

Shuichi glanced toward the stage to see Ryuichi giving out an incredible and unforgettable performance. Hiro turned his head toward Shuichi with concern but was quickly relieved when he saw the childs face light up at the man who had taken his place at the mic.

The two sat silently in the car as Yuki headed for home. Glancing every so often at the boy beside him to make sure he wasn't crying again. He was surprised to see the distant look on the boys face as he stared out of the window. Yuki winced as if he had been slapped.

_That's the same face Shuichi used to make when he was depressed. _

And all at once the innocence of Shuichis childish face had dulled out. Yuki glanced at the road before glancing back at Shuichi, who turned his head toward Yuki slowly. Tears glistened in the boys eyes and the boy looked scared. It took all Yuki had not to pull the boy into a one armed hug, as he was driving but the last thing he wanted to do was scare the boy...again.

Yuki pulled into the parking lot outside his apartment and was shocked to see Shuichi letting himself out of the car. Normally, Yuki would go around and open the door for him. Yuki continued to shoot glances at the boy on the way to their apartment. Once they reached the apartment, the boy threw himself on the couch

and buried his face in his knees.

Yuki watched, completely baffled. The boys head suddenly snapped up, the fear in his eyes evident and there were new tears trailing his face.

"Yuki, why am I like this?" The boy suddenly asked, earning a gasp of surprise from Yuki.


	5. Monsters

**Author note:** Ok, I really, really want to know what you think of this one. For some reason this chapter is my favourite by far. Awww...tear. You guys are so awesome! Thank you for your support!

**Dark Metal Angel: **Really glad you like the story and I hope you continue to like it. Yuki will understand Shu's behaviour soon enough.

**Yogonem: **Oh, but Yuki wont be confused for long. (Evil laughs). Keep reading and liking.

**Animeluver1998: **I wouldn't exactly call them mood swings but yes poor...poor Shuichi.

**Minibloodymurder: **You'll see!

Thank you all for the reviews! Chapter 5 is up! Enjoy!

**Chapter 5**: Monsters

**Shuichi pov**

Shuichi was faced with the crowd of millions of screaming fans, not to mention that his band mates were watching him expectantly. Yuki was watching him from the back of the room with his damn piercing gaze. However, a little less colder than usual..in fact there was definately a gentle twinkle there, as if he were a father watching one of his kids during a big moment in their lives but Shuichi didn't see any of that. Maybe if he was the real Shuichi, the one he had been before he had his essence ripped from his body by Taki Aizawa and his gang...then he would have perceived these things around him as if it was natural but nothing was natural..not anymore. Shuichi could feel there was something wrong with him...like why did this whole crowded room want to hear a kid singing anyways?

None of it mattered. Not to the boy who stood on the stage with his manager winking at him and that man with the pink bunny, waving it around joyously. The only thing he could see was the room full of people, his mic, and his friends backing him up. There was no pain...but then the music started, sparking up a wave of excitement that reverbrated up his spine and smashed into his temples, causing his strong voice to carry across the room and sweat to spike his neck.

It wasn't long after the song had started that things started to go weird for the boy. The sight of the audience caused him to lose his spark of electricity, therefore losing his ability to sing. His eyes shot open and his body seemed to freeze in place. New beads of sweat lined his temples. He swallowed a lump in his throat but no matter what efforts he made at speaking, they were all in vain. The featured in the crowd began to twist into knarled fingers and ungly faces, quickly closing in on him. Their monster like featured reached for him, tears jumping to his eyes, as he watched himself being beat continuously, the taste of death lingering on his tongue. Each ugly monster turning into his worst possible fears. Then there was that man...Taki Aizawa. The man who had left him for dead. The light that had illuminated the entire room had settled over the crowd in a greenish tinge, making the eery darkness unsettling and the twisted featured of the crowd warped and twisted with ugly snarling faces and evil sneers.

Shuichi felt the tears coming to his eyes. He was more frightened than he had ever been in this moment right now. The music had died down to nothing. Pure silence... except for the distant echo of screaming which could have been the monsters cheering at his body being torn limb from limb. They could have been cheering at the way Shuichis mouth opened wide to scream at the searing pain of teeth and claws ripping through his flesh but there was no sound. Then, just like a horrible nightmare at its end, he could feel the gentle hands of someone...or something reaching through the monsters that had him cornered take his hand and pulled him from the massive amounts of blood and silent screaming. Shuichi felt his hearing return as he found himself sitting in the familiar mans lap.

Shuichi looked up to see the man staring at him with concern written across his eyes. The man certainly looked scared but... but the man had saved him. Shuichi recognized him, but his facial expressions seemed softer and then Shuichi knew... the man had saved his life tonight but...who was he?

**Shuichi pov...end**

After an eventful night, Shuichi found himself sitting on a very famiiar comfortable leather couch. He liked the way it felt under his fingers, the way his fingers caressed the creases. Shuichi just wanted to sink into the couch and disappear. He was exhausted and his body hurt from old injuries. He couldn't quite remember where the injuries came from but he was sure that it wasn't inflicted by humans. Monsters with dripping fangs and tearing claws flashed through his memory.

Without even thinking it...without knowing that his full pouty lips would open to speak...

"Yuki, why am I like this?"

He observed Yukis features as they twisted into shock. Shuichi automatically knew why that was. However, he really didn't care to know or speak again. He didn't want anyone to know that his memories were slowly returning. They returning in the form of nightmares so the reality of it all was a little obscure and out of Shuichis reach. Shuichi couldn't begin to comprehend just what was happening. Why was it so hard for him to speak...or move? Why did he always see the people around him twist into ugly creatures of malice. Shuichi didn't care. He just wanted to be silent for the rest of his life and only speak to this man who would wrappe protective arms around him and whisper that everything would be ok.

If the man only knew just how sick Shuichi was. He himself was becoming aware that he was losing his mind which was why he refused to let himself remember what happened. He began to feel like he had no control concerning that matter. It didn't matter what he was doing or what activities he was enganged in, those twisted knarled fingers would find him except for one place...the mans arms. Instinctively, the boy jumped from the couch and rushed into the mans protective arms, obviously, risking the fact that the man would find out. This blonde beauty would definately find out. He knew Shuichi like an open book, so he would notice some of the older Shuichis traits returning, diminishing his child like innocence.

_Oh god. But please...not yet... not yet._

Shuichi burried his face into the mans broad chest, hoping he would never have to leave the warmth of the mans body. That is when an emotion he barely remembered feeling somewhere deep in his past, wrapped it's warmth around his heart and he knew for sure now that he never wanted this man to let him go. He wanted to be in the protectin of his strong arms. This man named...Yuki. His hopes came crashing down on him as the man gently pulled him away from him to lock his deep golden, chocolate pools with his violet pink eyes brights.

"Shu? Are you starting to get your memory back?"

Yuki watched as a streak of fear washed over his beloved Shus face but it quickly disppeared into the folds of his shirt as Shuichi pressed his face into the soft cotton. Shuichi continuously shook his head almost as if he didn't realize that it would completely give it away that his memore was slowly coming back. He decided that if Yuki did know, he wasn't going to tell him that his memories were coming back in the form of nightmares pushing him to the bring of insanity. Shuichis body shook violently against Yuki.

Yuki brushed his hand through his blonde locks and pulled the boy close. Relief settled on his face like a mother bird to her nest.

_He's finally going to remember._

Yuki bit his bottom lip, immediately regretting that thought. It wasn't like he wanted Shuichi to remember his pain, but the remembrance of what happened would return the old Shuichi back to him. The enthusiastic, hyper boy who used to smash every door in the house just to find Yuki, not bothering to open a single one if he was in a fluster. Yuki remembered how he would slam the door in the boys face if he started to annoy him. This brought a smirk to his face.

_I wonder if I could ever treat him like that again. Shuichi look what you have done to me. You have turned me into a sensitive mother hen._

Yuki laughed at the thought and the younger boy nuzzled his chest lovingly.

"Don't worry Shu. I wont force you, just take your time."


	6. Stranglehold

**Author note:** I don't even know what to say to this chapter except fo the fact that I am totally evil..

**Animeluver1998: **Yes it's great that you don't have amnesia because then you wouldn't be able to remember this awesome story eh? lol keep reading and I hope you enjoy!

Thankyou everyone for your reviews and thankyou to anyone that I may have forgotten.

**Chapter 6: **Stranglehold

Yuki sat on the dark chocolate coloured leather with the singer curled in his lap fast asleep. The boy had exhausted himself with his tears, Yuki still unable to comprehend why. He had been absolutely certain that the boy had began to remember what had happened to him, but either the boy was too scared to talk about it, or just didn't want to remember and forced the memories to the furthest and darkest crevices of his mind. Yuki had been watching an old concert Shuichi had performed before the incident with Taki Aizawa. But not far into it Yuki had took on a distant look and seemed to stare right through the television with memories of his Shu before he began to lose his memory. It was clear that Shuichi had lost his fiery passion and courage. That Taki had stolen from Shuichi. At least that is what it was in Yukis mind. Not only had the bastard stolen Shuichis sweet memories, but he had stolen his spark. Shuichi was reduced to nothing more than a frightened child stuck in a nightmare. Course nails dug into the creases of leather as Yuki felt that urge to kill again. He wanted nothing more than to kill the bastard who hurt Shuichi but of course, before he could get his hands on the wretched creature, the creature was locked away, and protected.

_If he's scared now, he's gonna be shttin his pants when he gets out._

Yuki was reminded to stop gripping the leather so tightly when sudden pain shot through his eager to kill fingers. Yuki began to think of ways to kill the son of a bitch. He could slowly choke the life out of him, right in front of his little possey. He could throw him off the highest tower in Japan. He could jab him with the dullest knife he could his hands on just to make it hurt more. Many sadistic thoughts came into his head but he released his ideas into a long sigh, knowing that if he did any of those, he would end up in prison and Shuichi would be alone. Before any of this however, Yuki wouldn't have cared if the brat would be alone because he could handle himself but now...he needed someone with him all the time.

"But I swear, once you get better, and you will...I'll do the world a favor and throw him off the highway bridge!" Yuki had forgotten the sleeping form in his lap, and a sudden jerk told him that he had woke the boy.

Yuki looked down at the boy and was quickly confused by the lack of emotion in the boys wide violet eyes. In fact the confusion turned to sudden fear. The boys eyes were blank...empty, not even that childish twinkle remained.

Before Yuki could react the boys arm shot out and his hand tightened around Yukis pale throat, forcing Yuki to gasp in surprise.

"Sh...Shu! What are you!?"

Yuki was cut off as Shuichis hand closed off Yukis air pipes. Yuki, afraid to hurt or frighten the boy just gasped for air hoping the boy would let go. A few more minutes and he would have to tear the boy off of him, just to breathe. Yuki could feel the air quickly seeping from his lungs leaving his lungs burning and constricting, trying to hold onto what little air it had left. Years of smoking had made the situation worse. Golden pools met wide violets. The boys forehead was beaded with sweat from squeezing so hard. Yuki gagged, and watched as a glimmer of fear swept through Shuichis violets. Yuki pleaded with his eyes for the boy to let go, unable to inhale or exhale any more air, unconsciousness threatening to consume him.

The fear resurfaced in his violets and his bottom lip began to quiver. Tears glazed the boys eyes and he suddenly let go, his arm dropping limply at his side. Yuki gasped for air and drew in a deep breath, his pale fingers caressing the burning areas on his throat from Shuichis squeeze. The boy whimpered and pressed his face into the soft cotton of Yukis shirt. Yuki felt the warmth of the boys tears soak through his shirt. He became unsure of whether to comfort the trembling body or fear it.

After the boy had cried himself to sleep, Yuki gently placed his sleeping form in the arm chair next to the couch. He rushed for the phone, still distraught from the previous events.

"Hey!" He growled angrily at the receptionist from the hospital.

"I want you to put Dr. Asakura on the phone immediately!"

"Calm down sir, Dr. Asakura is with a patient at the moment."

"I don't care if she's at a funeral! This is Eiri Uesugi, put her on the damn phone!"

Yuki didn't like the thought of using his name to take advantage of situations but he came to the conclusion that this situation was in dire need of the use of his name.

"Oh! Right away Eiri. I'll put her through now."

There was an unbearable moment of crap music as Yuki was put on hold. Yuki didn't wait for a reply when he heard the click on the other line.

"Hey!" Yuki growled fiercely. "Mrs. Asakura, I need you to inspect Shuichi right away! It is crucial that I get him in right away!"

Yuki didn't wait for a reply to that either. He quickly slammed the phone into the receiver, grabbet his keys, pack of cigarettes, coat, and his sleeping lover and rushed out the car. He gently placed Shuichi in the back of the car and as quietly as possible closed the door.

Moments later, the black Mercedes squealed to a halt in the hospital parking lot. Yuki jumped out barely shutting of the car, and tearing the key from the ignition. He opened the back door hurriedly and scooped the sleeping boy into his arm, carefully resting his head on his chest. Yuki slammed the door shut and ran for the emergency door, praying that he wouldn't wake the boy until he was in the presence of a doctor who could help him and ignored the stares he got from the other patients.

Not too long after, the boy was lying on what looked to be a very uncomfortable bed in Dr. Asakuras private office.

"What seems to be the problem?" She asked in a rather annoyed tone of voice. She sat in her chair at her desk, pen and note book in hand.

"He doesn't have amnesia!" Yuki spat angrily.

"Excuse me, but who is the doctor here?" She asked raising an eyebrow. "Why don't you tell me something worth writing?"

Yuki growled angrily. "I'm telling you right now that he does not have amnesia. If he had amnesia then he wouldn't be regaining his memories and..."

"He's regaining his memories?" She asked cutting him off.

"Yes!" Yuki hissed tiredly, bowing his head, and once again out of breath.

"Are you ok Eiri?" She asked.

"If you call this ok," he replied exposing the finger marks around his pale throat, that Dr. Asakura herself was surprised she hadn't noticed to begin with.

"W..what happened?" She asked.

Yuki tensed for a moment. Afraid of whether or not he should tell her. He let out an exasperated sigh. "It was him," he mumbled and sticking out his thumb toward the boy.

Dr. Asakuras eyes widened and she nodded toward the boy with a questioning look.

Yuki nodded in confirmation.

"What were the series of events before the incident?" She asked, suddenly interested.

Yuki certainly wasn't going to tell her that he had been frustrated at the thoughts of killing someone, yelled out and woke the sleeping boy who suddenly just started choking him. No sir.

"He was sleeping in my lap. I shifted. He woke up. He grabbed my throat and squeezed. End of story."

"He doesn't have amnesia. He hasn't lost any memories. He's just losing his god damn mind," Yuki continued. Yuki suddenly placed his head in his hands. "Help him...please. Please for gods sake somebody help him!" His voice was muffled by hands and thank god for that or it probably would have came out a yell that would have disturbed nearby patients. Dr. Asakura sighed.

"You know what? I could look into that for you. I'll direct you to someone who specializes in stuff like that. And Eiri..." Eiri looked up at her. "You may be right," she finished. "I apologize now in advance if I was wrong. I'm sorry," she repeated, her lips beginning to quiver.

"J...just one sec," she stammered picking up her phone and pressing one of the many directory buttons.

"Yes, Dr. Izumaki? I need you to speak to someone right away. Are you busy?"

"By the gods, thankyou," she half whispered into the phone.

"Down the hall, last door on the right," she murmured without looking at him.

Yuki cast her a cold glare before picking up the boy. "If you were wrong, I'll sue," Yuki stated coldly before leaving the room. Yuki left the room feeling furious but extrememly frightened to. What if his suspicions were correct and Shuichi really was losing it?

_I pray I'm wrong Shuichi. I pray... I love you..._


	7. Tricks Of The Mind

**Author note: **This chapter was surprisingly hard to write. I was very tired and well...my sadist mind decided to take over. Anyway...I wanna know wat u all think. Review for me..i need it rite now...i'm heading into a writers block. Raise me up everyone! I need opinions stat!

Love 4ever: GoldenEyes

Now on with chapter 7!! Enjoy!!

Chapter 7: Tricks Of The Mind

"Yeah," Yuki muttered, struggling to contain his anger. "I told you...he woke up and just started strangling me."

Yuki took a puff off of his cigarette and glanced toward the boy who was still asleep, only now they were in Dr. Uzumakis room. Dr. uzumaki was tempted to tell Yuki about the no smoking rule, but thought better of it considering the stress the man was suffering. The last thing he wanted was an angry patient o his hand...or more like a patients angry boyfriend.

"Well, I can't say that the boy is losing his mind. I mean after what happened, maybe to some extent he is, but I don't actually think we can refer to him as insane."

"I can." Yuki muttered absently, his piercing gaze seeming to stare right through the boy, but Dr. Uzumaki instantly noticed the coldness in Yukis eyes becoming gentle at the sight of the boy.

"I know him too well. He's strong and even after what happened, he would not get this bad. Believe me...singing is his life...I'm his life. His mind is broken and..." Yuki turned his gaze toward the dr. "I want you to fix him."

Yuki began to shake as silent rage seeped inside him and consumed his being. "I..if you don't...I might lose...if that...it..." Yuki fought to find the right words but was reduced to silence as he cradled his head in his hands. "Damn it all."

"Relax Mr. Yuki. I didn't say I wouldn't help you out."

Yuki didn't look up at him but Uzumaki could tell that he was listening when his shoulders stopped quivering.

"What I'll do is allow you to study his behaviour for about a week. If you feel that there is anything that you should report to me, feel free to do so. I can't just diagnose him with insanity because of one incident."

Yuki agreed to his terms and soon he was back at the apartment. He left his beloved Shu chan in their room and awaited Hiros arrival. As suspected, it didn't take long for the doorbell to ring.

"What do you mean Shuichi isn't well!?" Hiro yelled angrily, barging into the apartment, the moment Yuki had opened the door.

"Calm down before you give me a headache, moron," Yuki stated coldly, ignoring the panic in the boys voice. "You don't want to wake him anyways. I'll explain over coffee. As Yuki made coffee, he caught his reflection in the glass of the coffee part. His bottom lip dropped as he noticed the change in him as well. He had black rings under his eyes from losing sleep, his hair was dull and flat, unlike it's normal shine and bounce. His cheek bones showed more from a lack of eating and his complexion had pasled considerably.

Yuki sighed and poored the two cups of coffee and then returned to Hiro waiting in the living room.

Hiro waited patiently as Yuki gathered his thoughts. Hiro sat rather uncomfortably in the arm chair as Yuki had found his place on the couch. He observed Yukis obvious throbbing temples and blood shot eyes.

_Poor guy looks like he hasn't slept in weeks._

"He's sick," Yuki stated so suddenly, that it made Hiro jump, breaking him from his thoughts.

"He tried to kill me Hiro. His condition is getting worse by the minute."

"What do you mean...he tried to kill you?" Hiro asked, his eyes narrowing in disbelief.

Yuki glanced at Hiro, hearing the disbelief in his voice.

Yuki pulled down the collar of his shirt and the bruising in the shape of finger tips were clearly visible.

Hiro only stared, bewildered and unable comprehend the meaning to it all.

"I'm going to get right to the point," said Yuki turning to the table to grab his pack of cigarettes. "I am truly afraid. I have been getting run down worrying about the brat and I'm afraid watching him turn into a lump right before my eyes. I can't handle it. I need you to stay here and look after him for a few days while I go rest up in a hotel or something."

Yuki glanced at Hiro when the boy suddenly slammed his mug onto the glass table. He had not let go of it and he had begun shaking. Yukis eyes widened slightly at the anger in Hiros eyes.

"As much as I would like to...it's you he needs, not me. You can't just abandon him. Things are getting tough so your just going to run away? No..things don't work that way," he said angrily between clenched teeth, coffee sloshing over the edge of the mug at his new found fury.

"Let us just see what happens," Hiro stated.

"I'll stay the night and we'll see how he is tomorrow."

**Yukis pov**

Yuki sat hunched at his desk in his study, pen clutched in hand and the only light in the room coming from his open lap top. Without even thinking...the pen began to flow across the scrap piece of paper in front of him.

I miss the way his bubble gum hair bounced lightly with his angelic movements.

I miss his loud annoying voice.

I miss his annoying nagging and prying.

I miss his constant whining.

I miss the way we would make love, late into the night.

I miss the way his eyes would twinkle and gleam under the star light.

I miss him.

I miss him before he was broken.

Broken Shu chan...

Broken...

Please don't be broken anymore...

Shu I beg you...

I miss you...

Shu...what are you doing to me?

Soon the pen dropped from his hand and his head fell against the desk, the dark abyss swallowing him into slumber, his body becoming limp...and then...silence.

**Hiros pov**

Hiro woke to a weird thumping sound outside Yukis door. He sat up slowly, his heart rate increasing. It could have been anything and the thought of it being a burglar only increased his nervousness.

Hiro slowly got off the couch in one fluid motion. He crossed through the darkness, quietly, his heart pounding in his ears. When he reached the front door he placed his ear to it. There was no sound.

_Was it my imagination._

Even though his curiousity was trying to get the better of him, the hazy fog of sleep was strong and so he returned to the couch, slwoly drifting into a state of unconsiousness.

Hiro awoke the next morning to something dripping on his face. His eyes slowly fluttered open as the haze of sleep began to dissipate from his eyes. At that moment, Hiro reached up to swipe off the sudden wet drop on his face.

Hiros face distorted into that of disgust and he jumped off the bed with a giant yell. The stain now on his finger was red like blood and Too thick to be berry juice. His eyes slowly drifted toward the ceiling, his arms, as instant reflex shooting up to guard his vision from the ghastly sight hanging above the couch.

"O...oh god," he said in barely even a whisper.

Thoughts began to torment his mind about the monstrous thing hanging above the couch.

_What that hell is going on and how did the stupid thing manage to get up there?_

His gaze drifted toward Yukis room down the hallway, his eyes wide with fright.

"Y..Yuki!"

The name came out in barely more than a whisper, not enough to be heard by someone in the same room. Suddenly, his stomach began to toss and turn, threatening a raging storm and the loss of last nights dinner. His head began to go dizzy, his sights resting on the ghastly figure hanging above the couch. Torn...bleeding...dangling on thin rope...swinging back and forth like a pedalum.

Hiro tried to scream out again, his voice coming out as a curdled whisper. His throat had run dry and his vision began to weaken. His body began to loose feeling and soon there was nothing but a quiet thump of body landing on carpet and finally...black.

**Shuichis pov**

Shuichi lifted his head from his pillow with a start. The monsters had once again found him in his sleep. He pulled his blankets up under his chin and whimpered. The room, although flooded with sunlight was too dark for him. His fears began to run wild into imagination as the darkness consumed him. The shadows danced across the walls toward him. He whimpered again, squeezing his eyes shut.

When he opened them, a slight smile formed across his lips. The shadows were sinking back toward the sun light and the room had begun to look normal again. Shuichi clutched the soft object in his hand beneath the blanket.

_H...how did I get this? _

Although most people would be disturbed by the strange monsters following them or the darkness threatening to consume the light, Shuichi was slightly amused and once again squeezing the object close to him, Shuichi sank back down into the blankets, with the promise of normal sleep. Whatever normal was anymore.


	8. DID

**Author Note:** Oh my goodness, how proud I am! I worked so very hard on this chapter! Love me for I have spent hours of research on this chapter. However sad it may be (And I warn you now, this chapter even brought tears to my eyes) I am still proud of the outcome.

This is one of those times where I desperately need to hear your opinions. pouts Pwees! I worked extra hard on this one!

Aren't you all glad that it wasn't Yuki that hung himself!? I know I am but poor poor Shuichi. I wish I could hug him rite now!

Thanyou all for reviewing! Your reviewing kept my ideas flowing smoothly. Just knowing I have support from my readers makes me all bubbly inside! Thanks to those who also added me to favorites and alerts..I hope you continue to enjoy!

Now without further ado! On with chapter 8! Enjoy!

Chapter 8: D.I.D

Yukis dropped mouth released the cigarette he had been previously smoking. It rolled onto the plush carpet, while Yukis eyes scanned the scene before him. Hiro was passed out on the floor-whether he had just passed out or had been knocked out was another question and the cat from downstairs-the one that Shu and Yuki used to feed all the time now hung, gutted above the couch where Hiro had slept. Thoughts began to dance through his mind as his eyes stayed clued to the monstrous bloody thing hanging above the couch.

_How did it get there. Who did it? Is Hiro ok? Is Shu..._

His racing thoughts were cut off as at that very moment, Shuichi came out of the room at the end off the hallway. He was still dressed in his night clothes, although to Yuki, it looked as if the boy had been awake for some time. Shuichi came toward the living room and Yukis heart beat started to race. Whether it was from possible fear, or seeing the boy now, after he had almost choked him to death, he wasn't quite sure but he did know that he wasn't able to form a thought let alone a word at the sight of him. Shuichi stopped in the door way.

"What's..."

His words cut off as he caught sight of the cat dangling above the couch. He looked up at it ever so slowly, a smirk beginning to play at his lips. This caused Yukis heart to stop in his chest and his breath to hitch. The look on his face suggested that he was enjoying the sight before him or maybe his child like essence couldn't comprehend what he was seeing as it actually was. To him, maybe it was all just a game. But Yuki couldn't help but feel that Shuichi knew exactly what it was and he was equally sure that Shuichi had been a part of it. Shuichi than turned his gaze on Yuki. Yuki was then reminded to breathe, his cigarette butt had left a scorch mark in the plush carpet but other than that had snuffed itself out.

He felt as if he had been holding his breath in anticipation of what was to come. What was Shuichi going to say, would he try to attack him again? What was it exactly that he was anticipating? He didn't know. With Shuichis condition, he was too hard to predict. At that moment the bumble gum haired boy turned his face to him, his smirk fast becoming a look of bafflement, confusing Yuki to no end.

No more could he understant the thoughts that wracked his loves brain. No more could he understand the expressions of his features and the look on his face right now almost left Yuki with a heart torn in two. The boys bottom lip began to tremble, fear igniting through his like fire to a forest of dry trees before he spoke.

"Y...Yuki. What happened to the..." His voice cracked as tears jumped to his eyes, Hiro began to stir. "Yuki, did the monsters do it? Did the monsters...?"

Shuichi cradled his head in his hands undeniably trying to supress the sobs threatening to escape his body and tear him apart...break him.

"Why do they do such terrible things!? I try to tell them not to but they don't listen! They want to hurt me!"

Yuki brought a hand to his mouth trying to supress his own tears. To see his beloved Shu so torn up...to see him so afraid and hurting so...it made him want to cry to the heavens. He desired to take Shuichis pain away so...

Hiros eyes remained closed as tears leaked from behind the closed lids and rained down his face. His best friend was breaking...falling apart like a useless toy and there wasn't a thing he or Yuki could do. It was unknown to them just exactly what was happening to him. At that moment Yuki had no other choice. Shuichi was in dire need of emergency treatment.

He took a deep breath. "Shuichi, I am so terribly sorry. I don't want to do this but...but..." Tears brimmed his golden pools as he took a step toward Shuichi and thrust his fist into the crying boys gut. The boy slumped over into his arms, motionless exceot for the steady rise and fall of his chest, and the tears that still ran the course of his cheeks.

Yuki made no hesitation to slam the dr against the wall, the collar of the doctors white lab coat clenched tightly between white knuckles.

"You told me to study him! You told me to watch his behaviour. Well guess what doc! You find out what is wrong with him right now or I'm gonna shove my shoe so far up your god damn ass, your gonna be tasting leather for the rest of your natural life!"

With that Yuki tossed the frightened doctor onto the floor. "He's been talking about monsters doc! That's not normal for a patient with amnesia! There is something else at work and I wanna know what it is! I want him fixed before he falls apart completely! Do you know what he did!? Of course you don't!" Yuki spat. "He massacred a cat he was very friendly with and hung it in my living room!"

"O...ok." The doctor stammered, raising his hands in defeat. "I...I think I know what is wrong...just let me get to my computer and..." Before the doctor could get out anymore words, Yuki grabbed him by the back of his shirt and threw him in the chair in front of the computer.

"Get to it doc!"

"Y..yes sir! Right away!" The doctor suddenly became engrossed with his quick typing. His body shook with fear of the man hovering over him like a shadow of dark omens, a murderous glare gleaming in his eyes, and his mouth pulled back in an angry snarl.

"H...here it is!"

"Dissociative Identity Disorder!"

"What the fuck is that!?" Yuki demanded, grabbing the doctors shoulder firmly, suggesting that he better not beat around the bush unless he wants to get thrown again...or worse.

"I..it's a split personality dissorder," the doctor continued. "It happens when an individuals conscience splits off from its awareness and control of thoughts and feelings, and above all memories. These can all be a direct response to things experienced by the individual that were too painful, disturbing, and unnaceptable for the individual to comprehend and cope with. Do you understand Mr. Yuki?"

The doctor winced as Yuki squeezed the doctors shoulder tightly, his golden pools scanning the screen in front of him.

"So enlighten me asshole! How can it be treated!?" He snarled angrily.

Ignoring Yukis question the doctor pressed on. "Split personality sydrome, unfortunately causes episodes of amnesia for the person suffering it. In this case, Mr. Shuichi. This is because the personalities he has inside him do not know of the existence of the other personalities. Each personality has their own memories and their own thoughts. And unfortunately Mr. Yuki, it seems that this sydrome can be caused by severe abuse. It has come to my attention that you found him nearly dead in an alley right? He had been severely beaten and sexually abused am I correct?"

Yuki shot the doctor another murderous glare, which the doctor took as a yes.

"Therefore, the individual suffering from such abuse becomes detached from the experience itself, where another personality, er alter, I should say...takes it's place and suffers the trauma itself, taking on the pain that would otherwise have killed your friend."

"Lover," Yuki snarled between clenched teeth.

"Right, lover," said the doctor correcting himself before further angering the tall, flaming mad man gripping his shoulder.

"So in other words, the new alter becomes a self defence mechanism, and were it not for this new development your friend...lover, would have died."

"That doesn't answer my question." Yuki said between clenched teeth. "How...can...it...be...fixed?"

The doctor took in a long shaky breath before continuing with the prognosis. "Unfortunately Mr. Yuki, treatment for this kind of disease can be very time consuming. Along with anti depressants and anti anxiety medications, Shuichi will need to undergo therapy treatments over a length of time, the main goal being to deconstruct the multiple personalities and reform them into the main identity...the one known as Shuichi Shindou, the lead singer of Bad Luck.

Yuki cringed and his hand fell to his side. The doctor immediately began nursing his bruised shoulder by rubbing it gently and wincing. It was Yukis turn to draw in a long shaky breath, a shaky breath that suggested that Yuki would cry if he wasn't so good at controlling it when needed.

"Fine," Yuki stated. "Anything that can help, I will gladly take part in. However, I cannot help but think that this could have been prevented somehow or treated much earlier. It is all Dr. Asakuras fault! She should have seen it sooner."

"Now, now. That's not fair is it? She couldn't have seen something like this happening. At the time she studied him, he only showed signs of Amnesia, but he is obviously having an inner battle between his personalities, each trying to take dominance. It is unknown how many personalities he has at the moment, hence the monsters. His inner struggles are producing hallucinations of physical beings with fangs and claws however, it is not in either of your interests to send him home tonight. In fact, I will have him commited to Fairway, a mental health home for patients with similar mental disorders...with your permission of course," he added as Yukis glare fell on him once again.

Yuki sighed and turned to the sleeping boy, unable to hold back his tears any longer. It was tearing him apart that he had to hit the boy to knock him out. Like he needed to suffer anymore physical abuse.

_Am I just as bad for hitting him? No...it had to be done and so..._

Yuki nodded unable to speak, and unwilling to speak in his present condition.

Yuki kneeled down and pressed his lips to the boys head. "I made a promise that everything will be ok Shuichi. I know your scared, but I am going to be with you through the entire thing and I will patiently wait to see your sparkle...my dear sparkly Shuichi," he whispered against the boys head.


	9. Be Good To Him

**Author note: **I am very sorry for the long wait, but I have many otehr stories on the way and I have been working at different chapters for different stories, while at the same time getting new ideas for even more stories. Inspiration has been immense lately but now I have finally updated Amnesia.

**Yogonem: **It is a very interesting sydrome isn't it? Have fun finding out more!

**Animeluver1998: **I don't know. The kitty just had to die as a part of the chapter...

**MiniBloodyMurder: **It's amazing what can happen to someone and what they'll say under stress and when they love someone so much. Any other time however, Yuki probably wouldn't express such emotion the way he is in this story.

**Kin Inu: **Thank you very much, I hope it continues to draw you in.

**Yaoi-luver-999: **You'll see. I rarely ever give out what happens in my fics so easily. I hope you continue to enjoy!

**Dib's Girl: **I updated!

**Hotaru: **Yeah, I will definately work on the length of my chapters. Thank you very much for all of your comments.

Thank you everyone! On with chapter 9! Enjoy!

Yours truly, GoldenEyesMidnightTears

Chapter 9: Be Good To Him

He couldn't bear the thought of facing Hiro right now. He didn't want to have to talk about Shuichis worsened condition, for fear his own weakness would show, and he would start crying again. The night Shuichi was commited to Fair Way, Yuki stayed in a hotel nearby so he didn't have to deal with the guitarist. He had been unable to stop crying. He wasn't the type to cry and found it humiliating. What would peopl think if they saw the cold, handsome and mysterious blonde crying? Yuki cringed as he stood at the two way mirror watching his beloved bubble gum haired lover. He was dressed in a dull thin white robe, revealing his tanned skin through the thin fabric, and his butt was wide open in the back. Yuki couldn't help but snicker at this. But his snicker returned to a look of sadness and loss. How long would it be before he could touch him again?

He had showed up about a half hour early for visitation and was unable to enter the room until then. He had nervous butterflies in his stomache and was very unsure of how to act around the younger boy. He assumed that Shuichi only had one other personality and assumed that it was the one that had attacked him and tried to strangle him to death. He watched as one of the nurses entered the room with the boys lunch. He couldn't exactly tell what was on the platter that she held, but he was sure that it wouldn't be very good. Yuki watched as the nurse nervously sat the plate of food on the table near the door. She shot a nervous glance at the boy who was sitting on the bed at the far side of the room, hugging his Kumagoro close to him and then she left as quickly as she had entered.

Not long after, she made her way into the room where Yuki was watching him. He shot a glare at her.

"Oh! Mr. Yuki! It's you!"

She bowed slightly before continuing.

"I absolutely adore your work. Your very talented!"

"Shutup!" He spat. "You shouldn't treat him like a murder suspect!"

She hesitated. "R...right. Sorry." The nurse looked around, not knowin what to say. "Right, I um...better go." The nurse left the room in a flustered hurry, while Yuki thought of only Shuichi. He turned back to the mirror to see the younger boy bouncing his pink rabbit on his knee. He looked so lonely. Yuki wanted nothing more than to sit with him and stroke his pink hair. He wanted nothing more than to comfort him and have him get well as fast as possible. He couldn't stand it anymore. Now instead of having Amnesia, he had another identity. He hoped that he only had one other identity. He didn't want anymore surprises.

A hand rested gently on his shoulder, causing him to jump. He spun around to come face to face with a doctor.

"Hello Yuki. My name is doctor Nagase."

The doctor held out his hand and Yuki reluctantly took it into a firm hand shake.

"I understand you are here early. We cannot make any exceptions to let you in early but we could pass the time away by having you fill out some papers. Technically we should have done this last night but I could tell that you were tired and under stress."

Yuki sighed and eyed the folder beneath the doctors arm. "What kind of papers?"

"Well let me take you to my office, where we can get a little more comfortable and I'll explain."

Yuki stuffed his hands into the pockets of his coat and reluctantly followed the doctor out of the room and to a small secluded office at the end of the hall.

Yuki stood uncomfortably until the doctor gestured toward one of the chairs in the room. Yuki sat down as if the chair would burn him. He shifted until he was at least a little comfortable but the atmosphere of this place was unbearable. It was too...depressing.

"Ok Yuki. Can I call you that?" He didn't wait for answer and continued.

"The first paper you will fill out is the one admitting Shuichi to our hospital." The doctor took his seat and opened his folder. He placed the paper on the desk seperating him from Yuki.

Yuki scanned the page. "So I am able to sign Shuichi out of Fairway whenever I please?"

The doctor nodded. "That is...unless we think he is a danger to society."

Yuki shot him a cold glare. "And do you think he is a danger to society?"

"Well...Yuki...it has come to my attention that he nearly strangled you to death."

"So. Is this what you have been telling your nurses? Everyone is acting afraid of him."

"We merely warned them of his tendencies."

"Tendencies? You say that like he'll murder someone if given the chance."

"I am merely being cautious Yuki."

Yuki returned his gaze to the paper. With a shaky hand he raised the pen to the blank spot at the bottom and signed his name.

After that, Yuki had signed various papers concerning Shuichis stay at Fairway.

"Now this is the last one," said the doctor pulling another sheet from his shoulder. "If you sign this paper, you are giving one of my understudies permission to have private sessions with Shuichi."

"Private sessions?"

"Yes. Talk therapy if you will. My understudy Doctor Minobu will have talk sessions with him and attempt to break down his other personality or personalities and form them into the main identity. He will also attempt to contact his other personalities as well...Yuki."

Yuki hesitated, before finally signing his name at the bottom of the page.

The doctor smiled at him. "You have made a very wise choice of commiting him to our hospital. We will do everything we can to make his stay comfortable."

He stuck out his hand again but this time Yuki ignored it. "Can I visit him now?" He asked in a cold manner. The doctor smiled half heartedly. "Sure."

Yuki was led back down the same hallway and past the room with the two way mirror, where he had observed his lover from what seemed too far away. He wanted to be near him...so much closer. Yuki observed with bitterness as the doctor used the key from his long coat to unlock the door to Shuichis room. With slight anger he remembered how the docotor had pretty much implied that Shuichi was a menace to society. He didn't exactly need to say it. Yuki could practically hear him thinking it. The fact that the boy was locked away in such a small space only confirmed his suspicions.

The door was opened and he was blinded by the pure whiteness of the room. He had not realized how completely white the room was just by looking through the mirror. Yuki cringed. He almost regretted leaving Shuichi in such a dull place and he almost wondered how well he would actually be treated. Yuki scanned the room and saw that the only contents was the small table where Shuichis plate of food still lay dormant and the bed at the far wall, where Shuichi sat cradling his pink rabbit. He seemed unaware of Yukis presence. Yuki turned to the doctor.

"You said you would make his stay as comfortable as possible right?"

"Of course," replied the doctor.

"Then I propose that you allow him to paint his room the way he wants it. He would really like that."

The doctor hesitated before speaking. "Uh..Yuki," the doctor smiled hesitantly. "This is a professional assylum. We can't just have our patients getting out of hand. Allowing Shuichi to paint his room, would mean that we would have to let every other patient paint their room as well.

Yuki glared at him. "So?" Yuki gestured toward the room. "It's too white. He'll get depressed."

With that said, the doctor nodded. "I understand. I'll see what i can do."

Yuki looked toward the boy and then back to the doctor. "Of course. I'll leave you two be then."

The doctor quietly closed the door behind him and Yuki turned toward the younger boy.

"Shuichi," he said in a calm, soothing voice.

Shuichi looked up from the pink rabbit and his eyes went wide.

"Yuki!" Shuichi jumped off the bed and jumped into Yukis arms. His arms were wrapped around his neck and Yukis arms rested beneath his bottom, his golden locks falling around the boy protectively. Shuichi nuzzled against him. Yuki moved toward the bed and sat down with the boy clinging to him tightly.

"Shu, how are you?" He asked. Unsure of what else to say. He knew it sounded like a stupid question. How was someone in his position supposed to answer something like that?"

"Yuki, I don't like it here. I want to come home," he muttered into Yukis chest."

Yukis breath caught in his throat and he nearly choked. The sobs he had tried so hard to contain, threatened to expose themselves again. But he couldn't. He couldn't let that happen in front of him. He had to be strong for him.

"Shuichi, you can't come home yet."

Shuichi pulled away and looked into golden pools with wide amethysts.

"W..why not?" He asked, his bottom lip trembling.

"Shu, they're going to help you get better. They're going to take your monsters away."

"They are?"

Yuki winced as emotions wracked his frame. "Yeah."

"Then can I come home?"

"Yes, than you can come home Shuichi."

All of a sudden they were interupted by the door opening. A nurse entered the room with an obvious fake smile plastered on her face. She looked like one of those women who sit behind a desk blowing bubbles through a huge wad of gum, not giving a care in the world. Her hair was left long and flowing down her back, unlike the other nurse whom Yuki saw. Her hair had been pulled tightly into a bun. Her hair bounced as she shot a glance at the two men and then crossed the room toward the table. She grabbed the plate and walked up to the two men, ignoring Yuki.

"Shuichi," she said in a fake gentleness. Her tone was hard and uncaring, and her fakeness was so obvious that it made Yuki sick. Shuichi only burried his face into Yukis chest.

"Shuichi, you have to eat. You have to keep your strength up."

Shuichi shook his head into Yukis chest.

"Shuichi, aren't you hungry? When was the last time you ate?" Shuichi didn't answer.

"Alright you little brat! I don't care if your some big shot singer! Your gonna eat right now because it is my job to make sure you do. I'm not gonna get fired because of your stubborness."

Shuichi turned his head toward her and she pushed the plate toward him.

"No!" He yelled angrily as he smacked the plate out of her hand. Her eyes went wide with shock as the plate smashed at her feet and the food splattered on her ugly white shoes.

"Why you little brat!" She yelled smacking him across the face.

Yuki shoved the boy gently onto the bed and stood up. He grabbed the womans wrist. "Get out! I'll have you fired you stupid bitch!"

"W..wait. I'm sorry. I just..."

"Get out!" Said Yuki angrily, shoving her toward the door.

He watched as tears jumped to her eyes and she scurried toward the door like a dog with it's tail between it's legs, after doing something it wasn't supposed to.

Yuki turned toward the boy who was holding his face, his eyes glossy with unshed tears.

"Shu, are you ok?" He asked stepping toward him, his arms outstretched to pull him into a hug. The boys eyes only widened and he backed up on the bed away from him. His bangs fell and shadowed his face.

"Uh! Shu, I'm sorry. I didn't know that she was going to hurt you."

Still, Yuki didn't understand why Shuichi refused to eat. Mashed potatoes and chicken lay on the floor. Shuichi had not eaten since the day before yesterday and this tore at Yukis heart violently.

_Why wont he eat?_

The door opened once again and doctor Nagase stood there with a serious look on his face. "I think you should leave Shuichi alone for a while. He clearly wants to be left alone."

Yuki sighed and reluctantly followed the doctor out the door. The doctor then turned to him. "Our nurse has told us about your little outburst. You hit the poor boy and then took your anger out on one of our best nurses. Any action like that again, and you will no longer be allowed to visit him here again.

"Shut up!" Yuki spat. "It was your nurse that hit him, not me."

"Then, how do you explain the bruises already forming on her wrist?"

"She pissed me off," Yuki replied. "She hit him and I flipped out. It could have been a whole lot worse. Your lucky I'm good with control."

The doctor sighed. "Go home Yuki. Visitation for today is over. Your lucky I'm not going to press any charges."

Yuki turned an angry glare on him. "You'll be lucky if I don't press charges on your whole assylum you asshole. You had better treat him well. If I find that he isn't getting the best treatment I will press charges. It has been made very clear that Shuichi isn't enjoying his stay."

Without waiting for a response, Yuki turned to leave.

Yuki got in his car and sighed.

_Maybe I really did over do it. Shit._

All of a sudden a wave of dizziness passed over him. His face began to pour with sweat and fiery heat licked at his ears. Any sounds around him began to sound very far away. The parking lot in front of the car began to spin before slumber consumed him.


End file.
